♥
Saturday, April 08, 2006
I drew
BLOOD this
afternoon, and i must say it is something i will never forget.
The stupid needle felt like it was inside for 5 min when it was just a little while.
There's still the mark there, and a slight bruise, but it'll be fine.
Hey, how many ppl get to draw their blood man,
I should be honoured. (:
Went for ballet today.
I AM SO FREAKING SCREWED.I didnt feel like dancing today, especially ballet.
And im scared that i'll feel like that again on the day of exam.
That thought just frightens the wits outta me.
I wanna get 80 for Grade 8,
But i HIGHLY doubt so.
Who am i fooling?
I am SO not a dancer.
Socks scolded us on our class blog. And i feel guilty.
Cos im one of those who doesnt do duty.
I dont do it cos sweeping the floor and emptying the waste paper basket is so..
Not me.
But i just realised that im really pampered,
And i promise SOCKS from now on i'll do my duty.
You have this blog entry to prove it now. (:
Been blogsurfing around ppl's blogs,
And i see how some ppl can just blog out their feelings without being scared of the consequences.
Against teachers, talking abt friends, talking abt enemies and other stuffs.
But i dont know why im so cowardly.
A blog is for you to blog out your feelings right?
And im just keeping them all up in
HERE.And im gonna explode soon.
I dont know whether i should blog them out now,
And make this a really long post,
Or i should just save it for later..
if it comes.... ...
I should just blog it out now.
You know, i cant really talk things out with people nowadays.
You know why? Cos i wanna put on a
facade that i am emotionally strong,
And not somemore who needs pampering all the time and needs to be patted on the back and a shoulder to cry on.
Another reason why i cant talk things out is:
I DONT HAVE ANYONE TO TALK IT OUT WITH.The only person i've told some of my problems to is Sock Ling.
And thanks to her for hearing me out. (:
It is so obvious nowadays that me and Charmaine dont hang out anymore.
Those ppl who see us together are those who are only at the canteen.
After recess, i go to her class.
And i talk to her classmates, never to hear.
You know why?
Cos she's always sms-ing other ppl.
It's really getting on my nerves you know.
Who likes it when you're out with somemore and she keeps on ignoring you?
You might as well just dont go out at all.
Some 3C ppl might know that me and her went out one day right.
But guess what? We went off to her house,
And she went out of her room to talk to someone else on her hp.
She left me in her room alone for a long time.
And then later she rushes out and tells me that we need to hurry.
She makes me run, and then later, when she told me before that we were going out, just the 2 of us,
We'd be meeting another person.
I was so angry.
She doesnt know that that makes me feel as though im not as good a friend as before,Or that im getting boring and irritating that she needs someone to go out with the 2 of us cos with me, it's boring.I feel that way now.
And then later, after meeting her friend,
We go to Bugis with him.
And when it was time to go home,
She's rather wait for him and go home with him rather than me.
She made me WAIT for him until 9.30pm.
I didnt know that we were waiting for him, and when i found out,
I just went home myself.
I DONT SEE WHY WE'VE BECOME LIKE THAT YOU KNOW.I DONT SEE THE POINT OF BEING FRIENDS ANYMORE.I DONT KNOW YOU ANYMORE.Friends tell each other their problems, their secrets,
And now we're just ppl who say hi and bye.
You keep things from me,
Your friend here, your friend there,
Your friend = Crystal,
Your friend = Bryan,
Your friend = Cherng Ru,
You think i dont know abt them?
When you talk on the phone you keep it from me,
Secrets you share with other ppl,
And then when you're talking with them you ask me to get go out first,
Like,
WHAT THE FUCK?I dont need this shit from any friend, especially not you.
All this started when we went to the YF camp, subsequently my Bangkok trip.
This is one of the fucking reasons i dont wanna go back.
I dont wanna be reminded that Christianity is one of the reasons of the failure of our friendship.
All this started when i came back, and realised you have no more time for me, cos you're always out with Bryan.
And then later, when school reopens, i had to stand up for you when rumours started going around.
And then i just got tired of defending you. So i just let it be.
When school reopened, you suddenly got sick of me, and you started hanging out with Crystal.
Fine then, i dont mind her,
But everytime you have something on with her i feel as though i have noone to hang out with.
Fine lah, this is my own problem.
But cant you make SOME time, like, A DAY, for me?
You only go out with me when she's busy and when she has something else on.
And sometimes during recess you JUST have to go find her.
If you have to find her, you dont need me to go what.
Find Boon Tiong also, you dont need me what.
SO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP DOING?
It is
IRRITATING when you keep asking me to go with you.
I want to tell all these to your face,
But you always have your reasons which are full of bullshit.
Another thing is: Stop asking me if i am Christian.
I dont have an answer.
Why not?
1) Christianity is one of the reasons i have failed friendships.
2) I DONT wanna go back to CHC becos they suck (go on, sue me then, i have my fucking reasons).
3) I dont wanna sit in for boring stuff.
4) My faith wavers.
5) I dont deem myself worthy of being a Christian cos i once cursed God.
So there, here are the reasons.
One more: Inferior to my sis.
Ppl keep comparing me to my sis.
Those people, FUCK OFF.
Esp you,
MOTHER.1) She's a better dancer.
I have nothing to say.2) Her maths is better.
Do you ever look at my languages?3) She's slimmer than me.
Do you want me to dont eat anything except a pear for a whole day?4) She's prettier than me.
Fuck. Dont ppl always say DONT JUDGE BY SOMEONE'S LOOKS? Apparently everyone does.5) She's more mature than me.
She's 19! Im 15! Dont tell me she didnt rebel when she was my age. Please!6) She has better dress sense.
As you grow older, you have more dress choices. Right now, i only have IceLemonTee and other stupid ah lian clothes.There are SO many more things that i am compared to with my sister.
Most of you would think who would keep comparing us,
Well, it's
MY FAMILY.The ppl whom you depend on the most are making you feel inferior.
Is that what a family should do?
Most ppl would notice that i keep saying im fat. Im not faking it, i really think i am.
Well, thank FAMILY DEAREST for making me feel as though i am someone who is obese and ugly.
And, i took around 1 and a half hours to write this entry,
Not cos it's long,
Cos halfway, i ran back to my room to cry.
So be it.
♥
Saturday, April 08, 2006
I drew
BLOOD this
afternoon, and i must say it is something i will never forget.
The stupid needle felt like it was inside for 5 min when it was just a little while.
There's still the mark there, and a slight bruise, but it'll be fine.
Hey, how many ppl get to draw their blood man,
I should be honoured. (:
Went for ballet today.
I AM SO FREAKING SCREWED.I didnt feel like dancing today, especially ballet.
And im scared that i'll feel like that again on the day of exam.
That thought just frightens the wits outta me.
I wanna get 80 for Grade 8,
But i HIGHLY doubt so.
Who am i fooling?
I am SO not a dancer.
Socks scolded us on our class blog. And i feel guilty.
Cos im one of those who doesnt do duty.
I dont do it cos sweeping the floor and emptying the waste paper basket is so..
Not me.
But i just realised that im really pampered,
And i promise SOCKS from now on i'll do my duty.
You have this blog entry to prove it now. (:
Been blogsurfing around ppl's blogs,
And i see how some ppl can just blog out their feelings without being scared of the consequences.
Against teachers, talking abt friends, talking abt enemies and other stuffs.
But i dont know why im so cowardly.
A blog is for you to blog out your feelings right?
And im just keeping them all up in
HERE.And im gonna explode soon.
I dont know whether i should blog them out now,
And make this a really long post,
Or i should just save it for later..
if it comes.... ...
I should just blog it out now.
You know, i cant really talk things out with people nowadays.
You know why? Cos i wanna put on a
facade that i am emotionally strong,
And not somemore who needs pampering all the time and needs to be patted on the back and a shoulder to cry on.
Another reason why i cant talk things out is:
I DONT HAVE ANYONE TO TALK IT OUT WITH.The only person i've told some of my problems to is Sock Ling.
And thanks to her for hearing me out. (:
It is so obvious nowadays that me and Charmaine dont hang out anymore.
Those ppl who see us together are those who are only at the canteen.
After recess, i go to her class.
And i talk to her classmates, never to hear.
You know why?
Cos she's always sms-ing other ppl.
It's really getting on my nerves you know.
Who likes it when you're out with somemore and she keeps on ignoring you?
You might as well just dont go out at all.
Some 3C ppl might know that me and her went out one day right.
But guess what? We went off to her house,
And she went out of her room to talk to someone else on her hp.
She left me in her room alone for a long time.
And then later she rushes out and tells me that we need to hurry.
She makes me run, and then later, when she told me before that we were going out, just the 2 of us,
We'd be meeting another person.
I was so angry.
She doesnt know that that makes me feel as though im not as good a friend as before,Or that im getting boring and irritating that she needs someone to go out with the 2 of us cos with me, it's boring.I feel that way now.
And then later, after meeting her friend,
We go to Bugis with him.
And when it was time to go home,
She's rather wait for him and go home with him rather than me.
She made me WAIT for him until 9.30pm.
I didnt know that we were waiting for him, and when i found out,
I just went home myself.
I DONT SEE WHY WE'VE BECOME LIKE THAT YOU KNOW.I DONT SEE THE POINT OF BEING FRIENDS ANYMORE.I DONT KNOW YOU ANYMORE.Friends tell each other their problems, their secrets,
And now we're just ppl who say hi and bye.
You keep things from me,
Your friend here, your friend there,
Your friend = Crystal,
Your friend = Bryan,
Your friend = Cherng Ru,
You think i dont know abt them?
When you talk on the phone you keep it from me,
Secrets you share with other ppl,
And then when you're talking with them you ask me to get go out first,
Like,
WHAT THE FUCK?I dont need this shit from any friend, especially not you.
All this started when we went to the YF camp, subsequently my Bangkok trip.
This is one of the fucking reasons i dont wanna go back.
I dont wanna be reminded that Christianity is one of the reasons of the failure of our friendship.
All this started when i came back, and realised you have no more time for me, cos you're always out with Bryan.
And then later, when school reopens, i had to stand up for you when rumours started going around.
And then i just got tired of defending you. So i just let it be.
When school reopened, you suddenly got sick of me, and you started hanging out with Crystal.
Fine then, i dont mind her,
But everytime you have something on with her i feel as though i have noone to hang out with.
Fine lah, this is my own problem.
But cant you make SOME time, like, A DAY, for me?
You only go out with me when she's busy and when she has something else on.
And sometimes during recess you JUST have to go find her.
If you have to find her, you dont need me to go what.
Find Boon Tiong also, you dont need me what.
SO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP DOING?
It is
IRRITATING when you keep asking me to go with you.
I want to tell all these to your face,
But you always have your reasons which are full of bullshit.
Another thing is: Stop asking me if i am Christian.
I dont have an answer.
Why not?
1) Christianity is one of the reasons i have failed friendships.
2) I DONT wanna go back to CHC becos they suck (go on, sue me then, i have my fucking reasons).
3) I dont wanna sit in for boring stuff.
4) My faith wavers.
5) I dont deem myself worthy of being a Christian cos i once cursed God.
So there, here are the reasons.
One more: Inferior to my sis.
Ppl keep comparing me to my sis.
Those people, FUCK OFF.
Esp you,
MOTHER.1) She's a better dancer.
I have nothing to say.2) Her maths is better.
Do you ever look at my languages?3) She's slimmer than me.
Do you want me to dont eat anything except a pear for a whole day?4) She's prettier than me.
Fuck. Dont ppl always say DONT JUDGE BY SOMEONE'S LOOKS? Apparently everyone does.5) She's more mature than me.
She's 19! Im 15! Dont tell me she didnt rebel when she was my age. Please!6) She has better dress sense.
As you grow older, you have more dress choices. Right now, i only have IceLemonTee and other stupid ah lian clothes.There are SO many more things that i am compared to with my sister.
Most of you would think who would keep comparing us,
Well, it's
MY FAMILY.The ppl whom you depend on the most are making you feel inferior.
Is that what a family should do?
Most ppl would notice that i keep saying im fat. Im not faking it, i really think i am.
Well, thank FAMILY DEAREST for making me feel as though i am someone who is obese and ugly.
And, i took around 1 and a half hours to write this entry,
Not cos it's long,
Cos halfway, i ran back to my room to cry.
So be it.
